Jesus was very clear on judging another person. He said not to do
it. (Matthew 7:1) But what about holding one another accountable to
the truth? Don't we bear some responsibility for each other? And if
we are to do this for someone, doesn't that involve judging them at
some point?
Accountability is an important part of any relationship,
especially one with a shared purpose in following Christ. We need
each other in order to stay on the right track. The lures and
temptations of this life are too great to handle alone. Paul writes,
“If someone is caught in a sin, you who are spiritual should restore
that person gently. But watch yourself, or you also may be tempted.”
(Galatians 6:1)
What's the difference between judging and confronting?
Confronting involves doing something. Judging is all in your head.
Confronting has an element of humility involved, because you know
your own susceptibility to the same temptations. Judging always
makes you better than someone in your own mind. And confronting
always means direct contact. Judging is an evil little secret you
keep to yourself or share with others in the form of gossip.
Years ago, a friend of mine was struggling over doing the right
thing in an important decision he had to make. Another friend and I
got the idea to go surprise him and help provide support for his
decision. It didn't matter that it was a 10- hour drive to get to
him (that was the surprise part) we wanted to show up as an act of
loving confrontation to help him face the truth.
Now had we not made that trip, and had I used his moral failure
as a means of making me seem better in my own eyes, and had I talked
to others in ways that might demean him (even asking others to pray
- – a favorite evangelical form of acceptable gossip) that would
have been judging him. But instead we told no one, but went directly
to him with our concern for him and the result was a big boost for
all three of us.
I can't even tell you now what the issue was, or what he did
about it -- – it's been too long now -- – but what I do remember is
how blown away he was that we would care enough to go see him in
person. And I know I still have a friend today.
If you ever catch yourself putting down someone in your mind,
stop and realize you are judging that person, and then consider if
you might be the one to go confront him or her in love. Put your
information into action, or put it away and leave it with God. To
harbor something in your heart about someone and not confront that
person is to be a private judge, and the only one that really hurts
is you.
